when your friends are friendly with jerks

real dog

a beautiful dog

 

dog art

a beautiful dog rendered in torn tissue paper collage art by Katy Shultz

Everybody has that one friend, or if you’re unlucky enough, maybe you have a few friends, and they are all friendly with one of the biggest jerks you know. I have a few friends like this. I sometimes feel like they didn’t read the memo. I don’t get it. What in the world do they see in these assholes that they’d thank them for being their friend? Really? That jackhole should be thanking your friend for giving them any attention at all!

Here’s the deal…you saw what they have done to other people that you like and respect, you saw the heinous crap they tried to do to me (remember me? your friend?) and to my family and you still want to hang out with this creep and confide in them?  

One of the questions I got recently was “What did  you do to deserve what they did to you? You must have done something.” Yeah, asking me that question is not okay, but I’ll bite.

My only transgression in most cases is that I simply walked away from them. I either stopped talking to them or I called them out for bad behavior and then stopped talking to them. See the pattern there? Whoooooa, do I have some nerve, huh? How dare I stop talking to someone? Who exactly do I think I am?! Biiitch!

That seems to be my superpower. I cut someone off once they’re a jerk to me and it opens some kind of Pandora’s Box with these idiots! They go off the deep end and in a frenzy they do everything from blogging about me to writing songs for me. And yes, I blog about people, but I don’t identify them to any extent that you could identify them. When you’re labeling someone “the boss’s wife”, well, that’s pretty much pointing the finger at one person.

“Don’t blog about my family, but seriously, don’t blog about my surgery and then make fun of it. I think what you have done here is unforgivable.”

Um, I’d say under those circumstances, anyone is allowed to walk away from this clown. Who does that anyway? Who blogs about something as personal as another person’s surgery and then tries to humiliate them for having it?! (It was a hysterectomy, by the way) I’ll tell you who. Someone that does not respect boundaries and has absolutely no self respect of their own to speak of. How could anyone feel good about themselves after they do something that nefarious? My guess is that they don’t ever feel good, about anything, and when they do, it’s probably at someone else’s expense. People like that don’t have much of a moral compass to guide them. And if that’s the case, then letting them guide you is probably not a good idea.

“Telling people we know that we are assholes and then acting like you’re a friend, is just not acceptable.”

Oh yeah, I don’t put up with duplicity. If you’ll do it to someone else, you’ll do it to me.

“Flirting with that twit online while telling me how much you hate him is two-faced  behavior on your part, but admitting to me that you used to maliciously gossip about me to him is unforgivable. Openly punishing me because your past behavior disappoints me and contradicts everything you’ve ever told me, is really unfair.”

What did I just say? Didn’t I just say that if you’ll do it to someone else, you’ll do it to me? I sure did say that! Now why couldn’t I live by my own code and run like my pants were on fire the second I caught wind of this turkey?! I mean, shit! Falling into that one was my own damn fault. The problem was the person thought that admitting to me that they had been secretly responsible for causing me a great deal of pain and anguish in the past was good enough to just let them slide on everything else they were doing at the moment. Let’s talk about someone that has no clue how to behave like a normal and caring human being.

So to answer the question about what I did to deserve the way they treated me is that I did nothing except cut them off.

I stopped feeding the troll.

I put an end to their narcissistic supply.

When your friends like jerks, there is nothing you can do about it. You can tell them your side, you can hope they’ll be careful in their own dealings with the monster, but you can not choose their friends for them. All you can do is take care of yourself under these conditions and if this means placing a bit of distance between you and the friend, then that’s just what you’ll have to do. In the long run, you’ll protect yourself and perhaps salvage the friendship you have from completely becoming defunct.

Don’t misunderstand this! I dearly love my friends, but I have to draw the line somewhere. You can not be the person they run to when the jackass starts hurting them. You can not be the mediator! You already made your peace with this canker blossom and there’s no way I would ever suggest getting involved on any level in anything to do with them again. Your friend is on their own.

Besides you never know…your friend might prefer the jerk’s company to yours. If that’s the case, then you’re better off making a new friend and letting this one go. Until next time, this is Madeline Laughs and I’m feeling a lot less anxiety these days because I actually do know who my real friends are. Do you?

 

Advertisements

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to when your friends are friendly with jerks

  1. Human says:

    A fabulous post! You are so on target. Imagine a world where a majority of people are at least half as principled as you… With fewer ‘caretakers’ around to feed them, trolls would risk extinction.

    Cut the narcissistic supply!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Human! I try to live by what I share and it is my hope that in sharing my own experiences it might give folks the courage it takes to walk away from people like this. Being afraid to walk away because of what they might say about you to other people is just silly. They’re already saying shit about you to other people!

      Like

  2. Tejaswi says:

    Honestly… that first picture appeared to my sozzled mind as some great big potato with eyes staring back at me while peeling it 😀

    Hey, hey.. I am my usual sozzled self.. so please don’t get offended.. my eccentric way of expressing humour… lovely fella that.. that potato.. Oh, I mean that fellow… er…

    And hey, this post is just not fair!!!!!.. I mean, to the others.. I get away with everything.. you don’t walk away from me in spite of my bad behaviour.. I am your kryptonite in that case.. 😀

    and no.. while I agree that I can be a painful spot on the gluteus maximus, being duplicitous is not one of my faults 😀 And hey, might I add this as the avvocati di diavoli? (I almost wrote avocado de diablo.. but then I am so bad with languages)… now that you have “outed” the nefarious little sneak who tattles on the “boss’ wife” etc… won’t we then know who THAT is? 😛

    And Gosh!!! I don’t flirt with twits at all.. I am not even on twitter.. I am indignant you think so… and heavens, I wouldn’t know how to “twit” someone else, let alone you.. and no I wouldn’t twit you if I could others either 😀

    And Maddy, on just another sober note… people don’t act like assholes on a whim… either they are or they aren’t.. but you know what? you need to find out for yourself whether they are or not. Cutting them off is a great idea.. and in my case, truly worthy of the Medal of Honour, but there is another side to people, always.. you just need to look for it… I am not a forgiving person either.. but I know my own faults just too well (and verbosity just happens to be the least of them hehe).. and to many people I might look like an asshole.. and who knows? I just might be one.. the best one of them all.. but you know, Maddy, how I treat one person is not the way I treat another.. I treat every person uniquely.. or else it would all be meaningless.. like those Likes people click without even reading a post.. like those people who Follow you in the hope of being followed.. the sad cynical truth is, Maddy… this is a sham world.. we live for a moment here.. and whether you are dead the next moment in real life, or convicted of fraud or grand larceny, the image you perceive, the image you portray, the image that is received by your readers or your online audience is often not a close-enough portrayal of the person in real life. I know a lot of assholes online who are decent people offline.. I know a lot of people who are saints online, but are really wretched little covetous sumsabitches.. but never mind.. Whether it real life or in the cyber world.. it is only when you make an effort to peel back the persona and dig deep that you find a true friend.. or even a true enemy.. (most an enemy.. if I chose to word it that way.. hehe)…

    I get where you are coming from.. but tomorrow you might just shut me off as well.. so these were my er.. 2 cents worth.. (which actually demeans me.. how dare I? I am worth only 2 cents? )
    But.. be kind.. I am often mad, often completely insane and over the top and often I sound one way one moment and completely sane the other moment.. so for the sake of all those potential friends you may lose in future (not that you have anything to gain from this illusory world of online stuff)… stop and pause before you click the Iggy button.. they might be good, decent people too. maybe gauche, maybe intemperate and mostly like me.. sozzled :D.. but give them a day or two.. and see if they are worth it or not..
    (And uh oh.. I know.. I know.. I am finally banned for life for posting long comments, longer than the original post etc.. hehehe.. ok, so ban me.. you lose nothing, actually.. and though I am not a troll.. hmm.. am I? might be.. at this rate hahaha.. writing an encyclopaedia in comments)

    just this.. be compassionate.. be forgiving.. you might lose a potential friend if you tell him/her to piss off just because you two got off on the wrong foot.. and hey, I know.. all that is applicable to the rest of the hoi polloi.. not me 😀 I am charmed.. er.. famous last words??

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Unlocking the pain from the past – Madeline Scribes

I think it's so nice to see your thoughts! Please share!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s