Everybody has that one friend, or if you’re unlucky enough, maybe you have a few friends, and they are all friendly with one of the biggest jerks you know. I have a few friends like this. I sometimes feel like they didn’t read the memo. I don’t get it. What in the world do they see in these assholes that they’d thank them for being their friend? Really? That jackhole should be thanking your friend for giving them any attention at all!
Here’s the deal…you saw what they have done to other people that you like and respect, you saw the heinous crap they tried to do to me (remember me? your friend?) and to my family and you still want to hang out with this creep and confide in them?
One of the questions I got recently was “What did you do to deserve what they did to you? You must have done something.” Yeah, asking me that question is not okay, but I’ll bite.
My only transgression in most cases is that I simply walked away from them. I either stopped talking to them or I called them out for bad behavior and then stopped talking to them. See the pattern there? Whoooooa, do I have some nerve, huh? How dare I stop talking to someone? Who exactly do I think I am?! Biiitch!
That seems to be my superpower. I cut someone off once they’re a jerk to me and it opens some kind of Pandora’s Box with these idiots! They go off the deep end and in a frenzy they do everything from blogging about me to writing songs for me. And yes, I blog about people, but I don’t identify them to any extent that you could identify them. When you’re labeling someone “the boss’s wife”, well, that’s pretty much pointing the finger at one person.
“Don’t blog about my family, but seriously, don’t blog about my surgery and then make fun of it. I think what you have done here is unforgivable.”
Um, I’d say under those circumstances, anyone is allowed to walk away from this clown. Who does that anyway? Who blogs about something as personal as another person’s surgery and then tries to humiliate them for having it?! (It was a hysterectomy, by the way) I’ll tell you who. Someone that does not respect boundaries and has absolutely no self respect of their own to speak of. How could anyone feel good about themselves after they do something that nefarious? My guess is that they don’t ever feel good, about anything, and when they do, it’s probably at someone else’s expense. People like that don’t have much of a moral compass to guide them. And if that’s the case, then letting them guide you is probably not a good idea.
“Telling people we know that we are assholes and then acting like you’re a friend, is just not acceptable.”
Oh yeah, I don’t put up with duplicity. If you’ll do it to someone else, you’ll do it to me.
“Flirting with that twit online while telling me how much you hate him is two-faced behavior on your part, but admitting to me that you used to maliciously gossip about me to him is unforgivable. Openly punishing me because your past behavior disappoints me and contradicts everything you’ve ever told me, is really unfair.”
What did I just say? Didn’t I just say that if you’ll do it to someone else, you’ll do it to me? I sure did say that! Now why couldn’t I live by my own code and run like my pants were on fire the second I caught wind of this turkey?! I mean, shit! Falling into that one was my own damn fault. The problem was the person thought that admitting to me that they had been secretly responsible for causing me a great deal of pain and anguish in the past was good enough to just let them slide on everything else they were doing at the moment. Let’s talk about someone that has no clue how to behave like a normal and caring human being.
So to answer the question about what I did to deserve the way they treated me is that I did nothing except cut them off.
I stopped feeding the troll.
I put an end to their narcissistic supply.
When your friends like jerks, there is nothing you can do about it. You can tell them your side, you can hope they’ll be careful in their own dealings with the monster, but you can not choose their friends for them. All you can do is take care of yourself under these conditions and if this means placing a bit of distance between you and the friend, then that’s just what you’ll have to do. In the long run, you’ll protect yourself and perhaps salvage the friendship you have from completely becoming defunct.
Don’t misunderstand this! I dearly love my friends, but I have to draw the line somewhere. You can not be the person they run to when the jackass starts hurting them. You can not be the mediator! You already made your peace with this canker blossom and there’s no way I would ever suggest getting involved on any level in anything to do with them again. Your friend is on their own.
Besides you never know…your friend might prefer the jerk’s company to yours. If that’s the case, then you’re better off making a new friend and letting this one go. Until next time, this is Madeline Laughs and I’m feeling a lot less anxiety these days because I actually do know who my real friends are. Do you?