I used to take the abuse in stride. Then I started to wonder if I had a tattoo on my forehead that only they could see. The habitual abusers. I was growing weary of the constant apology, only to suffer more abuse in the near future. It wasn’t long after learning about certain social and behavioral disorders that I realized that once someone starts abusing another person, it becomes a habit. They get a taste for it and they can’t help themselves. They just have to step over that line you’ve drawn in the sand. They’re addicted to the downfall of YOU.
I have written many articles here about recovering from the abuse of a malignant narcissists/sociopaths. I have also written numerous articles about No Contact. This is just one more reminder for myself, and to the ones I care about. This one is about recognizing those traits in a person and remembering to believe them when they show you who they really are. The only thing to do is go No Contact, because they do not understand anything else. Once they step over your boundary, they’re in and they will think of more and more inventive ways to make you suffer, and all because you want to believe that they are your friend.
It has taken me years to finally start protecting myself from people that think nothing of disrespecting my space or my voice.
When a friend decides to “take you down a notch” by humiliating you in front of your peers, then you can bet that this person is not your friend because that kind of behavior is not friendly. Friends can make their point without humiliating the other. I do it all the time. I would never think that my opinion was so superior to someone else that I had to insult them in order to be heard.
Think about that last statement a minute…you can be heard without hurting a single human being.
When you tell a friend that their behavior was hurtful and perhaps made you angry, a real friend will want to make things right with you again. Perhaps something was misunderstood. But when they laugh at you and belittle your efforts to make them understand how upset you are, then this person is not really your friend at all. To them, you are a plaything. Belittling and taunting you are done for their amusement. Don’t be surprised if they throw in a little gaslighting behavior just to keep you off balance.
What is gaslighting?
“Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”
It never occurs to me to purposely try to hurt someone. If it happens by mistake or by misunderstanding, I am the first person to stand up and be contrite about it. It’s not in me to go after someone and be mean. I guess this is why I have such a difficult time believing that anyone is like that, but trust me, they are out there.
As I continue to grow stronger and more peaceful learning to navigate a world filled with Cluster B personality disorders, I will keep you posted on how you can build your own world, surrounded by healthy friends and relationships.