I have written many articles in the past about the benefits of quietly exiting a relationship that has become toxic due to the discovery personality disorders and abusive behaviors. Recently I saw a new term for this exit called ghosting. I believe I laughed a little when I first read it and wondered who coined the term because it sounds a bit insulting to me.
If I’m making a tidy escape from an abusive friend or family member, then I am not dying to be called a ghost. Mainly because a ghost implies we might come back to haunt the abuser. If I’m making a break for it, I have no intention of ever coming back, even if the jerk deserves to have the shit scared out of them.
According to Connection.mic:
“When Charlize Theron shared with the world how she slowly stopped dating Sean Penn by ignoring calls and text messages in 2015, the mainstream media became aware of the term and its several uses. The New York Times wrote a comprehensive explainer on ghosting, in fact, shortly after the former celebrity power couple officially parted ways.”
And in the New York Times link in the above paragraph you can also visit the article they refer to. And there’s this from that same article:
Ghost, a word more commonly associated with Casper, the boy who saw dead people and a 1990 movie starring Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze, has also come to be used as a verb that refers to ending a romantic relationship by cutting off all contact and ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out.”
After doing some research and a little more digging into my own reasons for finding the term distasteful, I’m going to say that perhaps I am a bit more in like with the phrase than I had been.
Over the many years I have been blogging and exploring and sharing, I have written about eleven different posts about leaving a bad relationship/friendship behind and to do so quietly. One of my favorites is entitled The Quiet Egress. I hope you’ll take away something from this shared thought that might make the next time you feel the need to ghost someone, just a bit easier for you…and for them too.
“I’m not saying that running away is always the answer, but sometimes making a quiet exit is the only answer you have left to give someone. Rest assured that if you have ever been on the receiving end of someone’s secret egress, this is not usually a decision they have made with malice.
The quiet exit is one that is made with trepidation and fear. It is laced with self doubt and recrimination.
The person stealing away isn’t trying to hurt you.
They are trying not to get hurt.”