I feel like I’m learning a new language sometimes when I hang out with my girlfriends. It’s called Designer and here’s a small sampling of how the language goes:
Girlfriend #1: Wow, did you see my new Chloe?
Girlfriend #2: Yes! It totally goes with your new Isaac Mizrahi!
Girlfriend #1: and bonus…I can wear it with my Manolos! You remember the ones with the peacock feathers?
The Chloe would be a handbag. The Isaac Mizrahi is a suit and the Manolos are shoes, heels to be exact.
I’m not really a designer label girl. I’m more of a it’s-got-to-be-real-leather kinda gal. Boots, handbags and some shoes have to be leather. Not because of the cost, but more for the longevity of the item. I like how leather looks when it wears and it lasts for ions. I got a fake Prada bag once. It wasn’t leather. One of my girlfriends that works in fashion told me it was totally okay to have one of those. Prada seldom makes leather bags, so even if it was a fake what was the difference? How can you make fake vinyl? So in reality, it was like having a real Prada handbag, only I knew the truth. Well, now I know the truth and everyone that reads this does too.
I have a cousin that speaks in What’s-it-Cost language. She puts the price of the item in front of everything she’s talking about, just in case you’re not clued into how much she pays for her wardrobe.
Me: I like your sweater. Are you wearing that to dinner tomorrow night?
Cousin: This is my $300 sweater. I thought I’d wear my $450 pants with my other $210 blouse to dinner tomorrow night. What do you think?
Me: um, okay? (thinking…that’s like a round-trip trip ticket to Rome, Italy)
I also adore thrift shopping. I was shopping in the Goodwill one day and I found 6 of the cutest Juicy Couture tank tops! I know that these tops are all my designer-loving-friend’s size too! What a find! She was going to love this! So I called her from the store.
Me: Hey, guess what I found at the Goodwill? Juicy Couture tank tops and they’re all your size! Want ’em?
Designer Loving Friend: You’re where?
Me: I’m at Goodwill right down the street from your house.
Designer Loving Friend: Goodwill? Omigod! Are you telling me they’re used? Were they cleaned? Are you sure they’re even REAL?!
Me: *stammering* *looking at the label that clearly says Juicy Couture* um…uh…well…LIKE I’D KNOW A JUICY COUTURE KNOCKOFF! THEY SAY JUICY COUTURE! YOU WANT ‘EM, OR NOT! I’M SURE THE RICH LADY THAT DONATED THEM ALSO OWNED A WASHING MACHINE!
I have another friend that is the Queen of thrift store shopping. She knows every designer label and finds the best bargains. Here’s another thrift store memory:
Friend: Look at these jeans! They’re Victoria Beckham’s line and they’re only $6. You know they retail for $200 to $400! SCORE!
*I’m looking at the jeans she’s holding up. They’re just big enough to fit around one of my thighs*
Me: Cool, do they have big girl sizes?
Friend *grimacing*: Um, well no, they don’t. I don’t think Victoria Beckham is keen on big girls sporting her fashions.
Me: No probs. Besides the last thing I need are those rhinestone crowns drawing attention to my ass. They probably stick you when you sit down anyways. *purses lips, throws back hair and stalks away*
Even if I don’t speak Designer I can still spot my girlfriend’s closets in the pages of magazines and it makes me feel like I know a lot of celebrities. Besides they always look put together at lunch and it makes them happy so what’s the harm? I guess I could make up my own language. Not sure what I’d call it. How about Discount or I Have the Pattern and You Can Own One Just Like Mine or Inexpensive, yet Still Functional and Attractive?
Me: Hey! Check out my new Target! It totally goes with my Walmart and I can also wear it with my $5 Big Lots.
So the next time you’re whipping out your charge card in that overpriced department store in some mall somewhere in the middle of suburbia, I want you to stop what you’re doing and just think of me. While you’re out shopping for all those baubles and bells, I’ll be sitting in an outdoor cafe somewhere in Paris, sipping a strong coffee and gazing at the Eiffel Tower. *wink*