Over the years I have written numerous articles about something that not many people were even aware existed for a long time, called Crazy Making Behavior. If you were ever caught up in the middle of someone in the process of executing crazy making behavior on you, it’s one of the most befuddling situations you will ever be subjected to.
Crazy making behavior is just what it sounds like. It’s someone trying to make you crazy, or keep you unbalanced and confused, so they can manipulate you. It’s not fun or funny, in fact, it’s diabolical and incredibly damaging. If you’re still unsure what this kind of behavior looks like, I’ll share some examples.
My mother in law used to tell me to my face how much she loved me, but behind my back she told everyone else how much she hated me. I had already stopped believing anything she told me a few years back because so many people had come to me and told me some of the horrible things she was saying about me to them. This year she finally took her mask off and showed me who she really is. Even though I had long ago stepped away from the crazy making behavior of not knowing who to believe, it was still pretty shocking to think anyone could be that cold and heartless.
You might think I hate her for what she’s done, but I don’t. Her motivation is rooted in the fact that she can’t control me and it makes her angry. She can’t just love me for who I am, she needs to control me. She wants to know where I am and what I’m doing at all times and she doesn’t want me to be friends with or spend time around anyone, but her. I don’t cooperate, so she hates me instead. I guess it makes her feel like she’s in control of something, at least. She uses gossip as a way to isolate people. Read on to find out why.
I can’t control what she does. I can only control how I react to it and that’s the first step to walking away from crazy making behavior. You have to realize that the only way they can make you crazy is if you allow it. It’s true what they say; what you allow, will continue. That being said, I also don’t have time for folks that play into the drama by maliciously repeating the gossip. If you want to ask me about it, then that’s fine. I am totally transparent and happy to answer any questions. But if you just want to spread the word to everyone else, then you might be a Crazy Maker too.
The second thing you need to come to terms with is if someone is doing this to you, this is abuse. You are being abused.
How do you know when it’s crazy making behavior? That’s easy! The moments you start to doubt yourself and your own reality because they are saying it’s different from what you already know, think again.
One of my friends said it best. She told me that a person in her life that she cared about started telling her that everyone that knew her, hated her and they couldn’t believe that the two of them were friends. They thought she was awful. My friend believed this! She said she went into a great depression thinking about what a terrible and useless person she must be and they must be right about her!
Then one afternoon after spending time with a good friend, she started to remember all of the other good friends in her life. “Wait a minute!” she shouted. “I have good friends! I’m a nice person! People do like me!” And that was the truth of her situation, not what the Crazy Maker was saying about her at all.
A Crazy Maker is also passive aggressive and they will blame everything that goes wrong on you. “What did you do to screw this up?!” It wouldn’t matter if you were halfway around the world when it happened, it’s going to somehow end up being your fault because they never do anything wrong.
They are dismissive and belittling and will do everything in their power to slowly erode every bit of self esteem you ever had in order to manipulate and control you. Their one goal is to make you so submissive and afraid that you won’t make a single move in life unless they give you the stamp of approval. You misunderstood. You messed it up. This is your fault and not theirs. You are a sorry excuse for a human being. You are so stupid! You are crazy! They will huff and they will puff and they will blow your house down!
I remember sitting and listening to a woman make some biting remarks about someone she had introduced to me as “her very best friend”. She was angry with her and she wanted me to know just how awful her friend was so I would think she was awful too. She shared intimate and gory details behind her friend’s back about this woman’s relationships with other men and talked about her children like they were her worst enemies. This was all about a woman I barely knew! I listened to disparaging remarks about this poor woman’s life for the few hours it took to have coffee with her “best friend”. I could not even imagine what she was going to go back to her best friend and say about me, but I was sure it was going to be just as raunchy, and most likely a lie since I kept my mouth shut the whole time and never shared a single personal detail with her.
A few days later I saw her comment fondly on the woman’s Facebook page and I sent her a private message asking if they were back on speaking terms. She replied that she had no idea what I was talking about. So all of that degrading and repulsive gossip I sat through over coffee…never happened? Now that is crazy making behavior!
But here’s something you don’t know about Crazy Makers…they are the most insecure people on the planet.
This is something you need to learn because it is the one revelation that will make you take the path to recovery a lot sooner, instead of sticking around trying to figure out what the reality is, or used to be.
They speak unkindly about everyone. When I say unkindly, I mean some of the most heinous gossip you would ever hear about another person. You don’t even have to know the person and they’ll still talk nasty about them to you. No one is immune though, not even the listener. As soon as you walk out the door, they’ll be saying something vile about you to the next listener and on and on it goes. They use gossip as a way of isolating their victim. If enough people believe the mean stories the Crazy Maker tells about their target, then eventually they’re hoping that the target won’t have anyone to turn to for support.
A Crazy Maker is constantly surrounded with their own turmoil and discord. There will always be tension, or a problem or some kind of drama around them. Nothing in their life is ever happy, or good enough or going the way they want it to go. They are some of the most depressing and dismal individuals you will ever be around because they do nothing to improve their lot. They enjoy things just the way they have them all stirred up to be. And if it’s not happening in real life, they’ll make something up!
The way you can recognize someone who is in a relationship with a Crazy Maker is that everything screwy and unpleasant in that person’s life all leads back to one person. When you see constant depression or self esteem issues with someone you know, always question who they’re spending the most time around and what that person is telling them.
There is very little about the Crazy Maker that is normal or mentally healthy, though they can live ordinary lives, just like the rest of us. Their way of thinking is simply dysfunctional and the crazy making methods they use are the only way they know how to deal with any kind of stress in their lives. It is much the same behavior you would witness from a young child who is just figuring out how to manage their relationships with other people. The difference is that most children mature.
Good luck out there and always remember, when a so-called friend is always blaming you for something, or telling you all the different ways you’re a bad person, or maliciously gossiping about you behind your back to other people, then you are in a relationship with a Crazy Maker.