I used to take people at face value. That was before I started studying them for a living. I have realized over the years that people are complex, multi-dimensional individuals and none of them can be taken at face value. The term might as well not exist.
First rule; No one is ever entirely honest with you about anything.
Once you learn this rule and you abide by it, you’ll save yourself a lot of grief. No one ever tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing, but the truth. I don’t even believe it happens in a courtroom…to be honest.
Second rule; If someone tells you that they are being completely honest, chances are they probably aren’t being completely honest.
Nothing announces a fib better than for it to be proceeded by a defense. I think if you tell someone you’re honest, that’s probably going to hold more weight, than to announce you’re being completely honest and then tell a lie. Does that make any sense?
I know myself and when someone asks me a question about a tough subject, my knee jerk reaction is to just tell the ugly truth. I never think of a better lie until the next day. Then I’m kicking myself because sometimes people would rather just hear the pretty lie than know the ugly truth.
Third rule; When someone says “I’m going to be honest with you…”, you can bet that not only have they been dishonest since they started talking to you, but they’re about to lie to your face and try to convince you it’s the truth.
Fourth rule; When someone answers a question with a question, they’re hiding something.
The best way to get a straight answer is to compliment them. Works every time…trust me. 🙂
Fifth rule; Single men lie.
Single women do not lie, unless prompted or pushed. Then they do the proverbial crossing their fingers behind their back. Unless she’s a sociopath, she values the truth and likes to be honest before she likes to tell lies. That is just the gender of it.
The biggest lie they tell is about who they’re talking to besides you. Count on it. If the man is single and he thinks you’re interested, then he’s hit the jackpot! He’s never going to tell you that while you were thinking you were in a private chat with him, that he’s also trying to talk to three other women at the same time. Never! He’d sooner shave his balls.
It can be annoying and frustrating once you start to figure it out, but learning these rules will help you process the whole picture a little better. Other telltale signs you can look for are a slight change in body language, like crossing the arms over their chest is a self-protective gesture and could mean the person is hiding something. Not like the person in the picture above though. That person is expressing her heart. Crossing your arms looks more like what you do when you’re waiting on line for too long, or you’re mad at the person you’re talking to. Like this picture here…
If the person won’t look you in the eye that’s a sure sign they do not want to make a connection with you for fear you’ll figure out they are being dishonest.
But how about if you’re not face to face with them? What if you’re on the phone? Listen for a change in the pitch of their voice. When someone lies their voice will raise a few octaves depending on how big their perception of the lie is.
Catching a liar online is a bit harder.
If you’re observant and have a good memory, catching a liar can be pretty easy on Facebook. Say for instance you’ve engaged in a private chat with someone you’d like to date. You’re pouring your heart out in this chat box and getting back minimum attention from this guy that’s been trying to hit on you. Perhaps you feel he could have been a bit more participatory?
When the chat is over, do yourself a favor and cruise the dude’s Facebook page, or roll back the Ticker. Then you can be surprised when you see that while you thought you had Johnnie’s undivided attention, he was posting music videos to his profile page and making comments back to his other friends. Now there’s a good guy, huh? Wrong!
It’s unfortunate, but lying is a part of our everyday lives. It happens on television every five seconds and it will happen in your life just as much depending on your age and who you spend your time with. You don’t have to delete the Johnnies from your friend list, or stop shopping at your favorite store because a clerk lied about backstock or even shun the guy trying to juggle you along with three other women. All you have to do is realize that this is happening and adjust your behavior.
I always know when someone isn’t being completely honest with me. Sometimes I’ll call them on it, but most of the time I just let it go. I figure they have their own reasons and those reasons probably have nothing to do with me. I don’t have the time nor the inclination to nanny them. I readjust my behavior with them and this protects me from being hurt by their dishonesty.
The truth is out there, but most of the time it hurts. The great thing about being a decent human being is not wanting to hurt people. I think that is a good enough reason to let the liars continue on their way. One day they’ll meet someone they want to be honest with and that’s when I hope they realize they’re being lied to too.
Liar, liar, pants on fire! would be great telltale sign of a liar. I wonder though, would the whole world burn?
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