Persist to Resist and Exist – How to be the Leader of your own Life

Image by Madeline Laughs

Resistance is futile.

In some cases, resistance is not futile. It just depends on whether or not you are truly making the effort to resist.

For instance, I dated this guy on two occasions, named John. After each date to the movies or dinner it became a battle of the hands. He wasn’t so bad on the first date, but I guess he decided to step up his game on the second date. He was quite handsy and I was quite determined to resist those hands. He was so confident that on the second date he told me he was sure I would fall in love with him. When I smiled and rolled my eyes he said “resistance is few-tile, honey.” I don’t think it was so much my resistance of his charm as it was the fact that after two dates I thought he was creepy and there wasn’t going to be a third, so that makes the statement untrue in this case.

It became futile for him to keep calling me. 

In the case of persistence, think for a moment that you are bopping along in your life, having a great time. Someone comes along and makes a request. It can be anything. They want you to act a certain way or maybe they want to be overly friendly. And you say No. You resist the request, turn your back on them and bop along in your life as before and never give them another thought.

They come back with another request.

You resist again.

They come back again and you keep resisting.

They persist and you resist until it becomes a fight.

Now it’s muddled with the reasons it started in the first place. Now all you want to do is resist conforming or satisfying any request this person makes because you don’t like them.

Most of us want to think we’re above feeling resistance. In truth, most of us don’t even recognize the symptoms or the reactions we have to it. We lose sight of just how damaging it can be to our souls, our bodies and our world. We act out of fear and hurt feelings and continue to resist just for the sake of resisting.

There are many things and people in this life that are worth the effort of resisting. The only moves you can make are the ones that are in your power to fulfill. You can do no more than that. But the key to successful resistance is to be very clear about why you are resisting.

Communication is the enemy of persistence.

“Please don’t touch me like that. This is not the kind of relationship I intend to have with you.”

If I had said that to Mr. Handsy, he never would have asked me out again. Problem solved.

As I grew older I started becoming very clear on what I would accommodate, and what I would not. I was perplexed when some folks didn’t listen to me, so I spoke louder. This made no impact either.

So what do you do once communication stops working?

This is when you have to decide if you’re a leader or a follower. Sounds kind of silly, doesn’t it? Why would you have to be a leader in your own personal relationships with people? Well, you do. It’s your life and how you fill your days and what you surround yourself with is all up to you.

A leader of their own life lives what they preach. They make decisions daily on how their life is lived. Nuisances and minor difficulties are dealt with using swift efficiency. A leader has a pretty firm grip on who they are. Because they know themselves so well, those minor scuffles that plague most folks, barely register in a leader’s life.

A follower lives along the fringe of everybody else. They decide how their day will go based on how their friends are feeling or what everybody else is doing. Even if they decide they’re going to the park that day, if someone tells them that going to the park is stupid, they’ll change their plans. They want to do what everybody else is doing, even if they aren’t happy doing it. They don’t handle conflict well. Conflict has to be discussed with everybody else and then whatever they decide is what the follower will believe and how the follower will behave.

Who are you? A leader or a follower?

What can you do if you decide you’re a follower and you’re tired of being a follower?

Today is your lucky day! Today you can decide to reshape the rest of your life by making and keeping your own set of personal boundaries.

What will you continue to put up with? Keep in mind that what you allow, will continue. Make boundaries that protect you from harm, from stress and ones that allow you to live and maintain a happier and healthier life. Feel free to explore the category on this blog entitled Personal Boundaries Primer and read stories about how I developed mine.

Is resistance futile?

That depends.

I say resistance to things and people that are harmful, is a very good thing. So keep resisting and stay healthy. Hone your communication skills. Be the leader of your own life. I think that developing a healthy attitude with strong personal boundaries is the greatest gift that anyone can give to themselves.

Persist to resist and exist.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Persist to Resist and Exist – How to be the Leader of your own Life

  1. Regyna Longlank says:

    You basically just described the difference between a dominant and a submissive. Type A or Type B. Alpha or Beta. Butch or Femme, top or bottom, slave or master, lead, follow or get out of the way. Typically dividing our world into dichotomies oversimplifies things, but it can also be useful. There are never only two options, there is always at least a third, and usually more than that when you really think about it, it’s just that some of them don’t get you what you want. We all exist on a continuum if you ask me, and take on different roles at different times depending on the situation and what is called for at the time. If we were all leaders there would be zero cooperation. Being a follower is just as valuable, some would argue more so since you need lots of followers to get what just one leader envisions done around here.

    As someone who has only recently discovered the joys of following I would submit that it can also be a very powerful experience, and often the follower controls things in a way that is quite subtle and completely unavoidable. I tend to sit on the fence myself. I would prefer that someone else do all the work of leading so I can hang back and snicker when they make mistakes, but in cases where no one seems willing or able to put their ass on the line for the rest of us I will step up and take a whack at it myself, and enjoy the hell out of it too, but it’s not really my cup of tea. Opportunists are people too, and although you may call us bottom feeders or say we have no backbone there is something to be said for letting go of the steering wheel and going where life takes you. Sometimes you find the most interesting things!

    Sometimes what you are resisting is really not that big a deal, and once you let go and just let it happen you realize it has no power over you and it’s gone. Sometimes resisting is just a waste of energy because the thing you are resisting is held together by your resistance only, and when you let go of that it just disintegrates and wafts away in the breeze like the nothing it is.

    Other times it’s a fight for your life and you better hang on like a bulldog with lockjaw and kick some ass. I tend to trust my guts on that one. If it feels all warm and fuzzy and soft and it smells good then probably it’s ok. If it’s hard and mean and scratchy and pointy and smells a little like fear then stomp that shit into the ground and call it a day. Either way Madeline you are right – resistance is futile. Do it or don’t do it but don’t waste my time. Resistance is just procrastination and good old fashioned scaredy pants action dressed up in a cute suit with some aftershave on. Ain’t foolin’ no one but yourself Resistance, we all know the score. Go home to your mama and leave this to the big girls and boys cuz we gots work to do and no energy to waste on you.

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    • Okay, I can see that. I can see how being a follower could have it’s advantages, but I’m thinking you described a leader taking a vacay from leading. Just sayin’. And you’re right, sometimes surrendering to the resistance makes it vanish. I’ve experienced that too. However, when I’m doling out advice and dogma I tend to be one sided LMAO!!! Thanks for balancing me back out Regyna. Your post makes my post seem less bossy 🙂

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    • I did want to clarify that the leader and the follower are within yourself. My point is that you have the power over what happens within your own life and the way to control that is by being one or the other within your own heart. Not necessarily that you’re leading or following any group of people…you got that part, right?

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