Why did you delete me on Facebook?

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This seems to be a question people have no shame asking these days. I have even asked the question if it was someone I cared enough about to wonder. Mostly when I get deleted now I don’t even notice. I decided a couple of years ago to stop watching that “friend number” because in real life, it means nothing.

How about when you figure out someone blocked you that you don’t even know? On yeah! That’s happened to me too. My husband and I were out to dinner when one of his old friends approached us. The guy shook our hands and exclaimed how great it was to see us. You’d never guess that he had blocked me on Facebook! I wish I could have seen the look on my face when he was talking to us. I’m sure it was one of absolute gall! 

When he walked away I told my husband what the guy had done. “I didn’t know you knew him well enough to be friends with him on Facebook.” he said. I replied that I didn’t really know him at all and I had never been friends with him on Facebook. I was watching my husband have this exchange with another person on there one afternoon and I couldn’t see who he was talking to. I thought that was odd, so I asked one of my friends to tell me if she could see the person. She told me the guy’s name and I remember a creepy feeling passing over me because who would do something like that? What kind of weirdo blocks his friend’s wife, a woman he’s seen maybe once in his life and does not know at all? What happens in a person’s life that sends them over that edge?

  • You never know what kind of heinous behavior is lurking around on your social network, be aware and be careful.
  • When a complete stranger blocks you, don’t bother asking why they did it. Just back away slowly and limit your exposure to them from that moment forward. There are no logical or healthy reasons they could ever give you that would make them not look crazy and stalker-ish.

I went through a period about three years ago where I was getting bullied by my mother-in-law for stuff I posted on Facebook. Every week she was calling me from her job to yell at me about something I had posted on there. None of it had anything to do with her. It was all just me, posting about daily life. I wondered how she was even seeing any of it since she’s not on Facebook! And I was especially keen on cutting off the source since it was causing me a lot of unnecessary grief.

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It turns out that some of it was just pleasantries in passing with one of her customers asking how I was doing. That should have been a nice thing for her to pass along to me and instead she used it to chastise me because strangers knew my personal business. If they were on my friend list though, they weren’t strangers to me. A couple of people actually opened their accounts up on their phone to show her my pictures because they thought they were being nice and simply sharing. She would smile and coo along with them and later call me and curse me.

The only solution I could come up with, short of asking people not to do this, was to remove friends from my Facebook list. This was before you could choose your audience, so deletion was my only choice. It made one person particularly angry and I was subjected to more hostility, simply because I had a Facebook account. It makes me wonder sometimes why I bothered staying online.

  • If you find yourself in a hornet’s nest of hostility because of the company you’re keeping on Facebook, establish and maintain some healthy personal boundaries with Facebook friends and also with the people complaining about them. Who you are or aren’t friends with on Facebook is no one’s business.
  • If you feel uncomfortable with the kind of exposure you get because one of your friends on Facebook is friends with people that you would rather not be exposed to, then let your friend know in the friendliest way possible that it’s not personal to them, but you’d rather have your friendship connection to them in the real world instead of in the cyber world. This way everybody wins, even the jerks you’re trying to avoid.
  • There are some folks that can not distinguish between the real world and the cyber world. Those are people you’ll just have to get used to and figure out a way to deal with.

I deleted this one person because I didn’t trust them in real life. Now every time I see this person they only want to know why I deleted them on Facebook. There will never be an answer they find acceptable because I think people like that already know they were connecting to you out of some kind of malicious intent. They know, trust me.

I figure why keep that window of my life open to anyone that only wants to harm me? I will never understand why people do that on any kind of social media. 

  • If you don’t like them, or you don’t trust them or if they give you any kind of red flag raising moments, delete them! Keeping them that close to you is not some new age warfare about keeping your enemies closer. That’s crap. It also doesn’t make you the BIGGER person. It simply means those personal boundaries you said you made, are being broken every day this situation continues.
  • Also never, ever feel obligated or get bullied into accepting anyone’s friend request. If you have to accept a “friend” request under duress then odds are this person is not friendly, at all.

I revamped two articles I have written about this same subject about Facebook. I am republishing them today because I think they are worthy of a look. One is entitled “Keep friends close, all others discard” and it’s about why keeping enemies as friends on any social network just doesn’t make sense to me. The other post is entitled “Facebook, Safebook, Happybook” where I talk about some of the more heinous things that have happened to me on Facebook. Both articles give the reader valuable information about how to protect yourselves while having fun on social media. Check them out!

If you read something here today that turned you on and you’d like to read more, consider clicking the Follow button. You’ll get an email every time I write something new.

 

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Why did you delete me on Facebook?

  1. Great post. I agree people are just too pushy these days. It is like we no longer have the right to choose who we want to deal with without being criticized. Thanks for sharing 😉

    Like

    • Thank you, Celeste! I feel certain that the longer this goes on, the more people will feel compelled to explore setting some personal boundaries where social media is concerned. I know that this was definitely the catalyst for myself to set some and to finally stick to them. Those boundaries have saved me from a lot of drama the past few years!

      Like

  2. I have a few hundred “Facebook friends” on my list, out of the whole lot I consider maybe 3 as true friends. In some cases I even have to look up mutual friend lists to figure out how I may know someone. A friend of mine once complained about a post on my Facebook page being obviously about here without even asking me about it. That post in particular wasn’t about her but something in it must have triggered a nerve for some reason. I have now taken Facebook off my phone and very rarely post to it, I only use it to keep an eye out for local events.

    Hopefully your post will open the eyes of a few more people.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I enjoy Facebook, but just as with anything in life, you’re going to have that one contingent of circumstances that likes to make happy people miserable. That’s why I preach the delete method. Just delete them and go back to the fun at hand! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For me FB has proven just how annoying and opinionated some of my friends really are. I’ve been on the net for more than 20 years and used most platforms that create ‘friends’ etc and they all suffer the same issues. Too many people seem to think what they say online is different to what they say face to face.

    Like

    • That is so true! People will say the meanest crap to each other online and then reach out to hug when they see each other out. Split personalities! Or they talk total trash a bout each other with other friends online and then act like best buddies in person. When I see that behavior I know, without a doubt, they’re doing it to me too. Other friends see it too, but for some reason, some of them still keep going back into the fray. I avoid them too. It’s a vicious circle and one I’, never eager or desperate enough to join.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Each of us has the power to make Facebook the experience WE want it to be. No two people use it in the same fashion, and I don’t think there are right or wrong ways to include social media in our lives. We get to define our social media presence, no one else does. If someone were to attack or question any of my Facebook posts, I would highly suspect their intent. It’s my page. Mine. I use it to express my opinions, feelings, life experiences, political positions, to stay in touch with family and friends, share a laugh, etc. If it doesn’t jibe with your perspectives? Don’t read it. Until Facebook adds a “dislike” button, feel free to click on the “delete” button. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. anne leueen says:

    I like to call Facebook Friends my Facebook Acquaintances. People I only know an online image of and online information about. Amoung them are some real friends ( people I actually know). Your M in Law may have a generational fear of all things social media. I’m older and don’t have that but many people I know do have it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like your view of Facebook. It’s realistic.

      As for my MIL, it’s a wee bit more than just new technology. She has issues with wanting to control every move I make. And she’s naturally a bully.

      Like

  6. I’ll confess: I’ve kept some questionable people on my friends list exactly because I wanted to know what they were up to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • When you’ve gone back to see what they’re up to, how does it make you feel? Is there happiness? Joy? Comfort? Serenity? If nothing you feel feels good, then why look at them anymore?

      I used to do that too. I kept them around and clicked on their profile to see what they were doing. Then I realized that they were sucking valuable time away from me that I could be using for something that made me happy. Those people brought me grief when I hung around them and looking at them now brought me more grief. Why spend my time looking at something unpleasant?

      I just started studying mindfulness because of my friend Paula. I have watched her take her life to new heights simply because she started being aware.

      One of the new things I learned was that you should always try to live in the present moment. You can not change the past and you can not predict the future. The only passage of time you can enjoy and fully appreciate is the one you’re in right now.

      If they represent bad memories, release them. Nothing they will ever do will change the awful way they made you feel. You realized they weren’t friendly, so now, in this moment, spend that time with people that bring you peace, harmony and love. Delete those jackholes! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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