my husband on Social Media and why it is not a Replacement for Human Contact

chris-and-me

My husband rarely Likes and almost never Comments on anything I post on Social Media. Most ladies would get offended by the lack of attention, and I confess that it bothered me a little bit in the past, but not anymore. Now when I see his name pop up in my Notifications it actually warms my heart. I know he looks at what I post, but instead of a constant smothering hovering, he picks his appearances wisely. They have more impact and they mean more to me.

If you have a mate that Likes everything you post, try spending more time together talking and touching instead.  

My husband never brags about me on Facebook. He doesn’t post pictures of what I do or share my blog posts and writings. He’s not constantly posting pictures of us together or of what we do at home or with friends. That’s just not his thing. He uses Facebook for work mostly and to keep up with his high school and college friends or local politics that affect us. Those events in our everyday lives are private to him and they mean much less when you start throwing every little second out into the Internet void.

I have teased him about acknowledging stuff like someone’s new haircut, but not saying a single word about something I posted that I feel is probably pretty profound. I asked him why that is and he told me that most of the time he doesn’t even see my posts in his Newsfeed. This is because he has thousands of friends on there and his feed is most likely a clogged nightmare. When he has time he will go over and see what I’m up to, but because we live together and see each other all the time, he knows what I’m up to.

Now I ask you…if you’re living together, married or related in the same household, shouldn’t you be connected on a real level and communicating in the present tense?

Why would anyone that close to you need to see your social media presence to know what you’re up to, or feeling, or planning?

When did “I posted it on Facebook! Didn’t you see it?!” become an acceptable argument for not telling someone you love what’s going on in your life?

He uses other social media platforms, but none to any extent. He likes to keep up with what’s going on in the way of people making connections, but he’s not into soul baring. I am the one that’s into soul baring and that has much to do with my craft. I am a writer, so for me to omit some soul baring would be like chopping off my nose to spite my face.

Me and my friends

Me and my friends

For many reasons his approach to Social Media is comfortable because along with not putting his life on display, he gets to avoid the drama of being unfairly judged by the masses of the inexperienced and the uneducated. I’ve watched what that was like on the rare occasion an opinion or viewpoint got shared. Stuff like that is not pretty. People can be horrifying and mean…and 95% of the time they’re dead wrong.

Social Media gave people a voice, but keep in mind that it gave everyone with the savvy to open a computer and Login, a voice, and some of those people are idiots, narcissists, sociopaths and serial killers. These are the folks that are never going to tell you anything good, they are never going to allow you to feel good about yourself, the person you’re with or anything you got going on in your life. They are the blowhards that think they know absolutely everything about everything. and that you don’t know squat.

However, I think Social Media is awesome! That’s right I do, and I actively participate on a daily basis. I remember someone told me once that I spent so much time jumping from one social platform to the other that I didn’t know how things in the real world worked, or some such horse manure. I remember laughing at the word picture she was trying to paint and then watching over the years as she immersed herself in Social Media and became an even bigger Internet whore than I was. I never cared that someone might slam me for diving into the Internet social pool because I was having a blast splashing around. I invited everyone to the party! And I still feel that way.

People have no idea what they unwittingly reveal about themselves online, even the ones that thumb their noses at the rest of us. Lol!

That’s why I think the folks that shun Social Media and pretend they never check their Facebook account or participate on a daily basis, are full of shit. They reveal more about themselves by their active denial than they do by anything they might have posted online. What are they afraid of? Better yet, why do they even have an account if it’s so distasteful? Why not deactivate and delete and really prove how above it all you really are.

The thing you have to learn in order to keep from drowning is moderation, honesty and knowing when to step away from the keyboard.

When I first started loving the long distance electrical connection that a computer offers I was playing Yahtzee with a computerized game on a huge desktop at a college. The only people I could connect with had college email addresses. Then I discovered the illustrious BBS platforms and eventually along came Prodigy.

I have been “online” since 1979, so don’t try Internet-shaming me because it just won’t fly.

me-and-chris-in-holland

It was a wild frontier back then and anything was game, but these days you have to be smart about how you conduct yourself online. Cyberstalking and bullying laws have been put in place because some folks just can’t seem to handle their hostility in a grownup manner. These days you can go to jail for a very long time for behaving badly out here on the bandwidths and I am one of those people that pushed for those laws to be made.

I don’t believe in using the Internet as a weapon.

If you are so emotionally stunted and morally destitute that conducting a smear campaign to hurt and damage someone is the only way you can think to work out your issues with them, then seek professional counseling. Those feelings of revenge you have are not healthy and the results of your online efforts will never satisfy or fill the hole you are making in your soul. Even if you gather a swarm of flying monkeys around you that agree with every word you say, that’s just a hollow replacement for real human love.

“Oh, so I can’t share what I think of you online, then why is it okay for you to write about and post and share how you feel or what you think about me and what I did to you?”

I’m only going to say this one time, so pay attention…

When you attack someone online, you invite them in. 

Think about that the next time you get the itch to express yourself.

Being online is never a replacement for human contact. Along with the screen time you need to have some me-and-you time too. Arguments, disagreements, break-ups and enemies are always going to be a part of life, so to expect they would never bleed into your online life is naive. They will, but if everyone takes a moment to consider that this could be the end of ever reaching an understanding or going back to being friendly before they start banging on their keyboards, perhaps some relationships could be salvaged.

When I make a conscious decision to explore problems by writing about them here, I have already made peace with my decision to never go back.  My only goal at that moment is to realize and own my part in the disaster and learn from my mistake. I want to move on and forward, not go backwards. If my issues with someone were so big that I had to write about them, then they are not something that could be repaired by human contact. That connection has timed out.

While you’re reading this, take a piece of paper and grab a pen. Jot down a few names of people you haven’t heard from in a while, someone that you’ve only seen online from pictures posted or updates shared, for over a month or longer. Make a date to call them on the phone instead of texting. Ask them to meet for coffee if they live close to you and really plan to follow up and GO. No more lip service. Try being a real friend, in real life.

Let’s see how much the world changes when we learn to use Social Media, instead of Social Media using us.

Please let me know how your efforts work out in the comments here and if you live close by, call me up to go for a coffee and let’s talk about it in person.

 

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to my husband on Social Media and why it is not a Replacement for Human Contact

  1. Love these honest thoughts! Personally, I am thankful for a husband who doesn’t feel the need to “like” or comment on everything I post. It offers the sense that we can have our own independent identities, which is important for fostering a healthy relationship 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I concur 100%! 🙂 I have a pet peeve when it comes to these combined Facebook profiles; dickandjanebook. My first question is always; Who cheated? I also have an issue with couples where one has a Facebook profile and the spouse trolls on it because they don’t have a profile of their own. That to me is just as damaged. If you want to look at stuff on Facebook, open your own account!

      You are spot on! The key here is “independent identities” because that is what we all truly are.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. ladylebz says:

    Totally agree! I think we should move away from getting validation on social media and nurture proper relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

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