Note: This happened to me a very long time ago, so there is no need to offer me comforting words, even though they still feel good. I am so much stronger and evolved today than I was when this was happening to me. I tell this story today because one thing anyone deciding to tell their story of abuse needs to be very aware of, is how to tell their story in a way that keeps them from harm and from being abused any further. I hope this finds you well and ready to start a new and healthier path.
They say that birds of a feather, flock together and this saying couldn’t be more fitting when it comes to toxic personalities. Those turkey vultures sure love to get together to smack their smelly lips over your dead body. How they get together is a mystery, unless you’re the culprit giving them clues.
Do yourself a favor and stop leaving a trail of bread crumbs for them to follow.
When a connection to someone becomes toxic, it is always going to be toxic. You can not fix that. You can learn to accept it and move on. The toxic person, however, does not accept the fact that you could ever exist without them or that you would dare leave them, so they become stalkers.
I was being relentlessly pursued by two different stalkers after figuring out they were abusive and severing ties with them. All I wanted was for them to leave me alone, so I did what the experts tell you to do; I went No Contact. I simply stopped talking to them. You’d think that would send the message to leave me be, but toxic people aren’t always going to do what a normal person would do.
Both of them frequented this blog on an obsessive level.
I knew that because they each went out of their way to make sure I heard about it. I did my best to ignore the public smear campaigns being waged against me, but when I had finally had enough, I busted one of them for constantly jeering me on Facebook by writing about it here on my blog and made the mistake of posting the name of her page. If this blog had been a graphic novel, you would have seen story boards depicting that moment of discovery, when two evil stalkers realized they had allies that could work with them to destroy the superhero.
They made sure I knew they had connected. I got a message asking me if I recognized the two people that were commenting and they told me to go have a look for myself and there they were. The same two people, on opposite coasts, that had absolutely no reason to be connected, busy shaming me…together, like besties or beasties.
And that was definitely my fault.
Have you ever been contacted or befriended out of the blue by someone and all they had to share with you was how much they hated a mutual enemy too? I’ve had those kinds of contacts and I have to tell you, they make my flesh crawl from the creepiness of it all. The old saying Misery Loves Company takes on a whole new meaning when you find yourself staring at Misery’s face.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in striking up a relationship with someone that has embarked on a journey of finding other people that hate someone else, as much as they hate them. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I get creeped out wondering why anyone would think that just because I don’t like someone that it automatically gains them entry to my friendship hall of fame, just because they don’t like them either.
That is not how I make friends.
What makes this equally as creepy is when you ask yourself this question;
How did they know I don’t like that person?
This shouldn’t be how anyone (in their right mind) makes friends. Making that kind of friend is sure to cement the fact that:
1. You will never have anything to talk about, except the person you don’t like.
2. It will be one of the most unhealthy, pathetic and unhappy friendships you will ever have.
OMG!!! Is this how flying monkeys are born?!
It turns out there is an ancient proverb; The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Essentially this means that an enemy will seek out your enemies to band together against you. Back in the olden days this kind of behavior was used in wartime. Today this kind of behavior, when used among regular citizens and civilians, is evidence of a very unhealthy mind.
Here’s my advice:
- If you are contacted by someone trying to recruit you for their new flock of Shegulls, be polite and thank them for contacting you.
- Remind them that you are not interested in waging any kind of war against anyone.
- It might be prudent to block the person from being able to further contact you since this kind of odd behavior is not very healthy. That’s up to you.
- Okay, this is some sage advice based on my own mistake, so listen up! If you choose to tell your story online so that others can learn how to protect themselves if they have similar circumstances, DO NOT name your stalker or the location of your stalker or any identifying detail. I don’t care how small and insignificant you might think it is, twisted minds will take the smallest clue and doggedly pursue it. I know how tempting it can be to call them out and to try shaming them the same way they are probably shaming you, but DON’T DO IT! You can tell your story, as I have done here, and leave those other details out.
If you just got rid of the drama by going No Contact with someone that was abusing you, why invite even more drama into your life by befriending someone on the path of revenge or giving them a voice by identifying them? These actions will bring nothing positive to your life. Know what has happened and move past and away from them.
Besides, two toxic personalities working on the same shaming will eventually consume each other because they need someone to abuse and conquer in order to feel better about themselves.