it’s Enough, and we are here with you

The other day I received a comment on one of my most popular posts about those *cough*lovely*cough* personality disordered people many of us just can not understand, or get away from. It was a long and detailed comment and one that took me a few days to respond to because it jammed jangled me to my bones. I have edited it down to the bloody marrow here, but if you’d like to read the comment in it’s entirety, you can find it on Telling Your Side versus a Narcissistic Smear Campaign

I encourage you to read the comment because it breaks down and describes exactly what happens when you rebel against someone that has a Cluster B personality disorder. I swear they must share some kind of genetic GPS mapping system! I also applaud the moniker the writer has chosen because, People, the personality disordered that walk among us have surely had enough of our time, our joy and happiness, our peace and our futures. This soul is showing how ready they are to move on. They’ve had enough and now they’re ready to battle.

Clearly, I have some “victim stench” that draws bullies to me. A friend who was also bullied when she was young says it’s because I have the qualities these disordered people lack, but I think it’s some behaviors I learned as a child that are still there. With every passing year, I become more and more withdrawn and isolated because it seems like I can’t have more than superficial relationships without somehow giving away my status as a bully magnet. I also live in a place that seems to attract a lot of disordered people and in a culture that allows and even promotes bullying. Any information about making yourself less of a target would be appreciated. Short of just not having relationships, I don’t know what to do. I find myself saying, “I hate people” a lot these days, and I don’t like it.

~Enough

My response is one I hope you’ll also read because it carries the weight of experience and heartbreak. The truth is this; people that execute smear campaigns are not redeemable. Walk away from them and never look back. People that listen to smear campaigns are not your friends, probably never were your friends. Smile and nod when you see them, then walk away from them and never look back.

This is the truth.

This is my truth.

This is your truth.

I carried the victim stench of many failed connections simply because I had no personal boundaries. I never realized the parts of all of those painful hours wondering why someone would want to hurt me so badly, were something I had complete power and control to change.

You have that power too.

All those sad people saying bad things about you and trying to make you miserable, isolating you, shunning you. Those people come from a place of fear. They’re afraid of your light and of your potential. They know you’re better than they could ever hope to be! To make themselves feel better, they try to tear you down. Shake your head and laugh. You have better things to do.

Removing victim stench may take some time, but it eventually disappears. I promise. As you continue to heal and make better choices, your old skin will shed and you’ll be a brand new and much stronger person for having had this experience. Much love to you from me in the meantime!! ❤

~Madeline Laughs

It really is this simple. Now go out there and set some personal boundaries, walk away from drama queens, don’t listen to gossip and spend your time around the people that have genuinely loved you, no matter what.

Advertisements

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to it’s Enough, and we are here with you

  1. Amen. AMEN. ❤

    Wasting energy on dysfunctional people steals pieces of our lives that we cannot get back. The more we learn from these experiences, the easier it is to identify them and walk away.

    Thank you, Madeline, for continuing to shine the light on life's cockroaches and bloodsuckers.

    Like

  2. Toortsie says:

    Wow! Your narcissism post made me do a lot of self-checking. Am I doing this?
    I agree with you. Work on yourself to become a better you in yourself, it works.

    Like

  3. Powerful and heartfelt advice, sure it will encourage those in that situation!

    Like

  4. Enough says:

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and understand my comment. I’ve been thinking more about the situation and my tendency to attract bullies and disordered personalities and journaling quite a bit about it. A few key thoughts that might help out someone else in the same position:

    * It’s okay to keep people at arm’s length for a bit while you keep practicing boundaries (I’m good at it when the stakes are low but falter when I have a lot to lose).
    * Always heed the early warning signs of toxic people (including listening to your body).
    * Be ready to let go of some relationships for whatever reason, especially those people who believe the perpetrators of smear campaigns. It’s like a burning a prairie and letting the new growth take hold.
    * Grieve losses when you can. Just because you can’t be around a dysfunctional family member or collateral damage (the worst, saddest fallout) doesn’t mean you don’t miss them.
    * Don’t be pressured to make amends by people who are inconvenienced by your being victimized (i.e., it’s all about them, not helping you). This happens a lot with family and coworkers.
    * Get out of panic mode to see what real damage a disordered person can do. Have a plan ready, and then forget about them.
    * Never try to compete with a disordered person’s level of conniving–it’s a no-win situation and makes you look like the crazy one. Script out, if necessary, what to say to curious people who ask, and keep it vague and adult.
    * High conflict people get a dopamine fix from engaging, just like video game addicts or overeaters. Don’t feed their reward centers of the brain by participating–whenever possible, ignore. At first, they may go crazy, but they’ll move on quickly because they need the fix.
    * Be sure people you are enlisting for help or a shoulder to lean on don’t have a stake in the outcome or their own agenda with the person conducting a smear campaign.
    * Self-soothe in healthy ways. Make your home a respite from the crazy.
    * Minimize other compounding stresses in your life, including the nightly news. Reduce decisions and situations that tax your willpower.
    * See patterns where bullying and being a narc source has happened before (it’s almost never just once). What do those incidents have in common? In my case, my chain of pain almost always involved fear as a result of a financial crisis, which made me vulnerable when I asked for help from the wrong people. My personal solution to this is to have more money (save more, earn more, whatever), so I am more independent. Also, it’s good to look at places where you feel safest and have never experienced bullying and try to spend more time there.
    * Develop multiple groups of friends, rather than one circle where everyone knows each other. Recognize that some of the traits that made you most vulnerable to PDs might also be some of your best qualities, and there are people who are ready to appreciate them.
    * Build a plan to get out of any bad situations (relationship, job, etc.). Leaving and living well is the best revenge. Let the Universe push you on to something better.

    Thanks for listening! Keep on speaking your truth!

    Liked by 1 person

I think it's so nice to see your thoughts! Please share!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s