When it doesn’t make you feel better…try changing your mindset

 

Someone made a nasty comment on my blog after I poured my heart out into a post. It was snarky and mean; meant to hurt the person reading it. So I did the most obvious thing. I deleted it with the intention of never sharing it or responding to it.

But I went back to the deleted comment again and got the person’s blog address so I could see what they were writing about. What could be so bad in their life that they had to come over here and troll me? The blog didn’t exist. I felt disappointed and a little exposed. So this was truly just some troll?

So I went back to the deleted comment again and got their email address and thoughtfully composed an email telling them it must be easy to hide behind a dead blog when they felt the need to be passive aggressive. Why would they think that what they did was okay?

The person responded telling me if I had nothing nice to say to please leave them alone.

Really?  

Why couldn’t they take their own advice before leaving that nasty mean comment?

In a perfect world (not in this one) people would take the time to think about how their words might weigh on another person before they share them. Even I am guilty of not thinking before I speak or write sometimes. That’s what makes us human beings. All of these knee jerk reactions and impulsive retaliations tend to make for a chaotic and sometimes debilitating world to navigate.

I was thinking that I should feel better by now after having my say with the person, but I was still a little upset. I don’t understand folks that can be this cruel. Is there so much time in their world that to sit around figuring out ways to lash out at people that are just living their lives, is something they can easily fit into their schedule? I don’t have that kind of time! And I really don’t have time to invest in someone that will never invest in me. So what was I doing over here?

I thought that deleting the comment rather than doing the right thing in my opinion, which is to let it stand and to publicly respond to the comment, would make me feel better about the verbal abuse. But it didn’t.

I thought sending the offender an email letting them know their input wasn’t appreciated, would make me feel better, but it didn’t.

Even reading the glaring deflection of them telling me to say something nice or go away, didn’t make me feel better once I realized it was just them trolling me.

This brings me to the new topic in my blog this week. If I had this epiphany then I could have stopped dead on my path of destruction. I would have stopped the negative self-talk and quelled the hurt blogger simmering in my heart.

How could I allow one person leaving one mean comment bring my world to a screeching halt and overshadow the thousands of other folks that have left thoughtful and loving comments? How had that happened?!

It happened because I was taking it personally . And I didn’t need to. It was one person’s misery, one person’s hatefulness and it didn’t make a bit of difference in my life because it added nothing of value and wasn’t even about me. The real dilemma here is; what was missing in my life at that moment? What did I need for that to never be able to touch me again?

I needed to change the way I digested all of these outside negative barbs that folks send out into the Universe on a daily basis. It is true; hurt people, hurt people. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Hurt does not have to beget hurt. Is it possible to allow someone the space to be miserable and mean and not allow it to affect us? Yes! That is definitely possible!

Since we have no control over the dubious hostility the populace tends to throw in our yard, we need to learn how to either bat that shit back to the curb, or don some fashionable Playtex rubbers to clean it up before it starts to stink to high heaven.

Let’s all change our mindsets here and get busy so 2018 is our best year yet. We’ve got about 52 more chopping days until the new year starts ringing in.

Tell me…what is missing in your life today?

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to When it doesn’t make you feel better…try changing your mindset

  1. One thing that’s not missing is the crappy comments 🙂
    It’s funny how many crappy comments are dropped by blogs that don’t exist. I don’t know if maybe they’ve been reported for their BS and their website was removed or what happens but it seems like a lot of crappy comments come from none existent websites.
    I like constructive criticism, I don’t even mind smart arse comments but the most I will ever engage with such people is to remove the comment and stop them following me. I just can’t be bothered dealing with them now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I rarely get mean spirited comments and I am so grateful for that. And you’re right. There is a huge difference between constructive criticism and just plain trolling. One friend suggested I see it as engagement, rather than negativity. What do you think of that idea? She says she thinks of it as the other person engaged with her and that’s like a point in her favor.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I get a few nasty ones occasionally but mostly it’s crappy spam which WP should be able to stop. Some is badly worded some is thinly veiled praise with crap thrown in. Pretty much all of them are just hoping to get their link on your website because they think it benefits them in search engines.

        For me it depends on the comment. I never engage in comments that read like spam or read like the commenter hasn’t read the actual post. They are pretty easy to spot.

        Trolling I generally don’t engage with because trolls are usually useless at forming any decent argument and when you do ask them questions they hide behind insults.

        Genuine criticism I don’t mind engaging with because it’s good to hear legitimate reasons why something you’ve written didn’t work. Both sides can still disagree but understanding why someone doesn’t like something is helpful.

        I can handle swearing an being told I’m wrong but if a person can’t string a sentence together then they quickly get ignored.

        Liked by 2 people

      • These are some excellent guidelines!

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thanks, I’ve had plenty of practise over the years 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • So, to see it as engagement and not negativity?

        That doesn’t sit well with me. With rare exceptions, those who troll with nasty, spiteful comments are looking for one thing: to make you seem inferior to them so they feel better about themselves.

        It’s a waste of your time, your energy and your soul.

        Don’t take the bait.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I tend to agree. I just don’t see the need to engage with a troll. I like the advice, but it’s not a good fit for me and who I am.

        Besides, I do wonder of she read the entire post, or just the posted blurb on the Facebook page. I know many folks only read that blurb and think they have garnered an understanding of the entire article and tnhis is so far from the truth. Those lead ins are supposed to entice you to read the whole article, but it seems, sadly, people just either don’t feel the need to, or they think they already know it all so why bother.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Janis says:

    Girl, you day bestest!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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