Let’s pretend you are stuck in a room of about a dozen people and they are all dancing. They are laughing, smiling, having a great time and they are all dancing. Everyone is dancing except for you and that’s because you hate dancing.
You hate everything about dancing.
You hate the music they are playing.
You hate moving your body that way.
You feel like you look stupid when you dance and it makes you self conscious and insecure.
You are angry that everyone is dancing and that they are so happy doing it.
But the worst feeling of all is that you are afraid that no one will ask you to dance. Everyone has a partner already and you are all alone.
You feel excluded from the merriment and this makes you even more angry. You sit all alone in the corner and you seethe.
Eventually someone does come over to sit beside you. Finally! Someone you can talk to! You lean over to say hi and start to chat, but all you can talk about is how unhappy and angry you are to be stuck there. You talk about how much you hate being there. Then you start picking apart each person on the dance floor. You make fun of one guy’s dance moves and become churlish about how some of them are dressed.
The person sitting next to you is visibly uncomfortable and not long after they sit down, they get up and leave you to go back to the dance floor. You see them dancing and chatting with another dancer. Both dancers shyly glance your way with looks of pity.
Sitting there has become unbearable. People are still dancing! It’s like you don’t even exist! How can they not care about your misery?! Are they all so self centered that they don’t care how unhappy you are? What do you have to do to get their attention?!
Oh! I know! You can make them unhappy!!
So you stand up and you start yelling at everyone! That should get some attention!! You call them names and make fun of them! You chide them for being so happy and for dancing around like crazy people.
You realize that you have to yell louder because the more you yell, the louder the music becomes. They are trying to drown you out! Yelling isn’t working because they aren’t paying attention to you or what you’re saying! So you move around the room, trying to yell in as many places as you can, hoping some of them see you and listen to you because you need to be seen and you need to be heard.
YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO START LOOKING AT ME! YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW UNHAPPY I AM AND YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! YOU NEED TO HATE DANCING AS MUCH AS I DO OR NONE OF US ARE GETTING OUT OF HERE ALIVE!! I WILL YELL AND YELL AND YELL UNTIL YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!
The dancers have all stopped looking at you now. Everyone is still dancing, but no one is happy you’re there. They laugh with each other, but when you get close to them, they become quiet and refuse to look your way. They pretend you don’t exist.
Yelling doesn’t seem to be working. No one is paying attention to you , but you know that they all know how miserable you are, and no one cares enough to fix it. This only makes you furious! Oh, you’ll show them!
And that’s when you start physically pushing people.
That’s when hating to dance becomes lethal.
If you take the scenario I have just described and apply it to events in your own life, you’ll realize that what I am describing is someone so incredibly self absorbed and selfish that they have no idea how to see beyond themselves. They think the world is responsible for their discomfort and the world around them is responsible for fixing it.
I know this is true, because I’ve been there myself. I have wallowed in my own self doubt and insecurity about a situation I had no idea how to fix or deal with. I have been there. I’ve reached the point of pushing people because they refused to listen to me. Let me fill you in on a little secret…that NEVER works in your favor and it’s wrong.
When you reach that limit, you need to seriously step off of the dance floor, go sit in your corner and consider the ramifications of your actions. This is when you either learn to do your own dance, or you leave the room.
Here are a few things I know;
No one can fix your life for you.
No one is required to pay attention to your drama.
Your drama, is your drama. If it makes you unhappy, then stop creating drama.
No one is ever strong enough or prominent enough in your life to force you to make a choice that makes you unhappy.
If you have to bully people in order to be heard, you are fooling yourself. No one likes a bully and no one will ever take a bully seriously or care about their drama. They are not listening to WHAT you are saying, but they are giving their full attention to HOW you are saying it and trust me, they don’t like it or you.
Live your own life. Surround yourself with people you care about that reciprocate that love and leave the ones that make you unhappy in the corner where you found them. You don’t have to dance with people that make you unhappy, but most of all…
…you don’t have to stop dancing and having fun just because there’s someone in the room that doesn’t like it.
Now, let’s tango!!! 🙂