There is a big difference between telling your side of the story and a Narcissistic Smear Campaign.
Telling your side of the story simply states facts. There is no need to share jabs or insults and it looks like this:
“I stopped talking to her because I was tired of the constant bullying and manipulation. A year later she posts this mean song all over the Internet, uses my name and identifies me. The song is her attempt to humiliate and ridicule me. It is classic cyberbullying and it’s against the law. I have asked her over and over to leave me alone. I’m not interested in fighting or continuing to engage her on any level, but she continues to watch me online and post attacks.”
A Narcissistic Smear Campaign looks like this:
“I stood up to this relative and there was a war of personal destruction waged on me as a result. However the goat metaphor was so funny that I could not help but write a song about it. I mean who calls somebody a goat? It made me laugh and laugh.”
What exactly is a Narcissistic Smear Campaign?
A Narcissistic Smear Campaign is the effort of an individual to ruin someone by embellishing the truth and/or simply spreading unkind and untrue rumors about them. The campaign is their attempt to humiliate the object of their obsession possibly with hope the person will come crawling back to them in order to get them to stop, or as an effort to control how other people involved will view the situation in their favor and also gang up against the Narcissist’s victim.
Malignant Narcissists will also employ the following tactics in their rage against their victim:
- Initiating contact with mutual friends to ask them to join their campaign against the victim.
- Continuing to escalate the attack by widely posting insults and jabs in public online forums in an attempt to engage the victim.
- Actively seeks out and befriends or engages anyone the bully might perceive as being an enemy of the victim too.
- Continuing to campaign against the victim long after the victim has stopped participating.
- Eventually assuming a pious posture while claiming the victim deserves to be treated poorly.
I have seen this same turn of events played out so many times that I am no longer surprised by it. They spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing and executing every detail in an effort to destroy the victim and their credibility.
The pious posture is what I find most interesting. They all eventually hold themselves up high and mighty as if their prolonged bullying of a person is somehow the right thing to do. “Watch me as I continue to pound on this person that won’t talk to me!!”
Do the bullies honestly think that the people that have watched this unfold, whether they feign unity with the bully or not, seriously find anything about what the bully has done to another human being, to be any kind of holy?
I don’t think so. In fact, I guarantee that 100% of them are tucking it in a bit after watching this scene. They know that to piss the bully off means they can expect the same to happen to them. The bully has shown their true colors and everyone can see them now. They aren’t pretty and they are definitely not the kind of behavior anyone can be proud of.
Responding back to a bully with just as much hatred doesn’t make you the better person and it only fuels the fire of a person that is already smoldering. Why fan those flames?
The difference between telling your side of the story versus a narcissistic smear campaign is that you cannot care about anyone, or justify your actions as heroic, when your actions clearly show that your main interest is destroying another human being.
Think about that.
You can find this and many other entries about living with and recovering from narcissistic abuse in my book, Life After the Narcissist written by Katy Shultz. Available on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com and all fine retailers.