Deflection behavior is when the narcissist blames the victim for their own bad behavior and feels justified in bullying them. A malignant narcissist will even go as far as using the victim’s own self defense against them.
Sounds insane, doesn’t it?
They will stalk their victim and watch every exposed move the victim makes. If the victim uses social media in an attempt to fight back against the Smear Campaign being executed by the Narcissist, the Narcissist will take whatever the victim is sharing and flip it, so it appears the victim is attacking the Narc on social media. It’s diabolical and has been very effective in shutting down and silencing many victims in the past. Therefore the Narc gets to continue their reign of terror while the victim has to sit there and watch the nightmare unfold again and again and again.
Essentially, the Narc projects their bad behavior onto the victim by playing the Blame Game.
That is all a part of the past now because these days cyberbullying is against the law. If you are being cyberbullied, keep detailed records of all instances for the police to use if a Narc escalates their illegal activities to include anything online.
When I did some research on this type of personality disorder I found that the “blame game” is considered high risk behavior. Their lack of empathy can often lead them to do things that normal society would find abhorrent and in some cases, even illegal. Never underestimate someone that goes out of their way to attack you like this. They have no moral compass guiding them.
- People that engage in this kind of deflection often feel self-important.
- They feel like they are above being called out or getting in trouble for their bully tactics.
- They don’t like to be wrong and they never apologize.
- Their main concern is the self-gratification they receive from supporters and these supporters often only know the bully’s side of the story.
The other side of their self-gratification is the reaction they get from the victim. As long as the victim is kept engaged, off balance and upset, the bully stays sated. They get off on watching the victim react to their bullying tactics.
So what can you do?
I have come to the conclusion after many years of dealing with this type of personality disorder that there is nothing you can do in terms of expecting this person to change. They are basically incapable of changing. You cannot fix them and you certainly cannot control their behavior.
The only person you should be concerned with is yourself.
- You can limit your contact with them if that is possible, but the best thing is to cut off all contact. I have found that even cutting them off becomes their reason for coming after you and they will use anyone they can in order to get to you.
- Surround yourself with healthy and loving friends and family and make them aware, if they aren’t already, of this toxic person’s behavior.
- Never be silent about what is happening to you.
- Speak up.
I have tried fighting back with limited success. What I have realized is this only titillates the fantasy they have of mastering some kind of control over you. Even your anger is something they seem to enjoy.
Your continued participation is also unhealthy for you. Break free of the cycle the bully has created.
The best defense against a malignant narcissistic bully is to tell others what you are experiencing. Cut off all contact with the bully and with anyone the bully keeps constant contact with. To be fair, not everyone that associates with the bully is toxic, but when they refuse to choose a side after watching the bully abuse you, they are choosing the bully’s side. Those are the folks to definitely cut off contact with too.
You can find this and many other entries about living with and recovering from narcissistic abuse in my book, Life After the Narcissist written by Katy Shultz. Available on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com and all fine retailers.