Stop Trying

normal reaction

When you become the target of a Narcissistic Smear Campaign, it can be confusing on many levels. There are so many questions you have and the narcissist is counting on you not being able to get any answers. They enjoy your constant state of hypervigilance and they want you to feel like the world is against you.

They spend every waking moment when they are in the throes of a campaign, just like a politician. They’re out there seeking votes and they’ll get those votes at any price. Integrity, Loyalty and Pride are no longer on the table.

“You wanna be my friend on Facebook?! Well, here’s what it will cost you!”  

That dirty ad campaign we all get barraged with during any election is something I can guarantee was invented by a Cluster B personality disorder.

I have a friend that is extremely experienced in all things related to narcissism.  She grew up with one and she has seen it all, experienced it all and suffered through it all. Best of all, she lived to tell about it.

On the phone with her I was in tears already.

In an effort to hurt me, the narcissist had used one of my friends as a pawn. My friend was verbally trashed and then discarded like she was yesterday’s garbage. Then other people started casting their votes and discarded my friend too. I was frustrated and angry that anyone could be this cruel, “What she did! It’s just MEAN! How can you do that to someone?! All for the sake of getting back at me?! Why won’t she just go away and leave me alone?! I just don’t get it!”

In a sharp voice my friend replied, “Stop trying.”

She waited for that to sink in before she continued and then softened her voice once she had my attention. She explained that there really is no use trying to understand why they do the things they do. There isn’t any logical reason for it. They probably don’t even understand why they’re doing it.

She asked me why I cared about anything this woman had to say. My anger was there for a reason and I had to figure out why what she was doing, had made me so angry. What bothered me about her smear campaign?

I immediately knew the answer.

I know that I have never done anything in my life unless my heart was invested and no one can ever find fault with me for that.  That is something born into a person, it’s not something that can be taken away from you just because someone is so insecure and jealous that they want to destroy that part of you. They can’t touch that.

If you have an opinion, you’re entitled, but you are not entitled to attack me or my friends, just because you have an opinion.  You are not entitled to blackmail people. You are not entitled to threaten people. You are not entitled to continue stalking them when they have asked you nicely to leave them alone.

You are not entitled to hurt people, just because you hurt.

Instead of trying to figure out why the narcissist is waging a smear campaign against you, take it apart in your own head and figure out why it bothers you. Instead of being constantly on the defensive, walk away. You can’t control them, but you can control yourself.

That’s the one thing the narcissist doesn’t count on. They don’t think you will walk away.  They are sure that you will sit and spin until they say it’s time for you to stop spinning. They think they have all the control.

Well, they don’t.

If the narcissist thinks they have the power to keep you quiet, they might think they can continue to smear you without repercussions. If they think they can embarrass you, belittle you, mutilate you, burn you, or hurt you then they will keep talking.

Who cares?

The people that love you might listen, but the truth is that your real friends already know you. There is nothing the narcissist can share in the spirit of goodness and concern that anyone with intelligence can’t see for what it really is. The more they talk, the more they disparage, the less people will listen. No one wants to hear that kind of crap and the ones that do aren’t worthy of a moment of your time.

The narcissist only acts out of spite and vengeance.

They aren’t trying to fix anything. They prefer to destroy. They aren’t concerned for anyone’s wellbeing. They only want to hurt them. They aren’t purveyors of the truth in any fashion at all. Their only concern is to feed their own desperate need for attention.

It will always be about them.

Its lots of fun for them when they feel like they have the upper hand. It’s a great time as long as they can manipulate you and make you feel guilty that you aren’t doing things the way they want you to. It’s dandy when you believe their lies and keep bending over so they can feel superior and self-righteous.

But the moment you expose them, they hit the campaign trail. They will always turn the tables once they’re exposed and play the victim card.  I’ve seen it happen enough times to know this is the truth.

You expose their bad behavior and they become the victim.

It will always be about them.

They are a hole that can never be filled.

Stop trying.

You can find this and many other entries about living with and recovering from narcissistic abuse in my book, Life After the Narcissist written by Katy Shultz. Available on, Barnes and and all fine retailers.

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Stop Trying

  1. OneHotMess says:


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Absolutely loved this.! so true. I love how you capture the time and energy of the narcissistic mindset. They are relentless and insane. And it is not something that we need to take on and carry around as “ours”.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. nikkifrankhamilton says:

    I read the things that you have gone through, at the hands of the mentally skewed, and I am speechless. I love how you try to figure it out, try to help, try to reason…But most of all, I love how you remain “you”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do try to remain semi-grounded Nikki. It’s not easy and gets tougher all the time. There are days I throw up my hands and tell my husband “That’s it! I’m not making any more friends! I’m staying home the rest of my days, right here, all alone!” And he smiles and calls me his little social butterfly. I love people. Unfortunately, I’ve met some rotten ones. I can’t let it change me or harden me though. I wouldn’t be me if I did. So I keep trying.

      It’s also hearing words like this that keep me strong. I know you’ve had some tough times too woman! And yet you’re out here with me…still living, still smiling, still making friends. I can be me because you are you and together we are we.


  4. Paula says:

    My favorite response to a narc’s smear campaign is, “So what? Who cares? I certainly don’t care that you think I’m crazy? So, what’s the point in trying to convince others that I am? I’m crazy! Woopty doo!” I accept what they think of me. So, when they spread what they think of me and it gets back to me, I just shrug, “Yeah, she/he doesn’t like me. Pass the salt.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know! Since the end of last year when I finally started enforcing my own personal boundaries I’ve realized there are a lot of people that were in my life that didn’t really like “me”. They just liked the fact that I was so easy to push around. I gave more chances than anyone should rightfully be allowed to expose themselves to and I always took people back even if they did the most heinous things to me. Hell! I let a pretend publisher screw me around for a year! And here he was telling people he couldn’t stand me and had no intention of ever helping me. Even after hearing that…I STILL GAVE HIM A CHANCE! Sheesh!

      Yeah, they don’t like me. Pass the pepper spray too 😀


  5. You bet it will always be about them! I walked away from my ex-narcissist, or more precisely, took the opportunity to get him out of my house, and he was shocked and amazed. As you say, I think he just thought that I was going to continue to spin until he told me to stop. Good post.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I wish I could say that putting this information out here would cure some of them, but there is no cure for it. I can’t even imagine being compelled to hurt people that way they have attempted to hurt me. It’s diabolical and so unnecessary.

    I think anyone who has been reading me for some time knows a little bit about who I am inside. You can’t write the way that I do and hide yourself completely. One of my friends told me that I tell my truth everyday. I never thought about that, but I guess I do. If I do have mental issues of any kind, I have earned the right to have them. No one can out up with the kind of abuse I have over the past three years and not have some kind of tic by now. That’s the painful price, isn’t it?

    I will never give them the satisfaction of becoming embittered and vengeful though. I will continue to cultivate new friends and to be grateful for old friends. They will never take that away from me.

    As for this latest blip on my radar, yes, this person is banished from my thoughts. I have nothing left in me for her, not even pity.

    I’ll get right on that Rosetta Stone for Ethiopian now 🙂 Love you lady!!! Love, love, love YOU!!


  7. mysterymom7 says:

    Reblogged this on Catching LISK and commented:
    Well said!

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. “They prefer to destroy”. O Boy!! How very very true!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Reblogged this on Forty Something Life As We Know It and commented:
    Smear campaign

    Liked by 1 person

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