I want to start out by telling you how fantastic my therapist was by telling you how bad someone treated me.
I had experienced an explosion of toxic behavior from someone I had thought was a dear friend. What I believed would be worked out to cause our friendship to become stronger ended up exposing this person for the truly disturbed individual they had always been. I had no idea what had been lurking below the surface and it spun me in circles trying to catch my breath while she seemed to immensely enjoy the ride she was taking me on.
After asking for some breathing room so I could sort out for myself what happened and try to find a solution that would fix the issues with her, she impatiently decided to take matters in an entirely different and shocking direction. Just days after asking for some much needed space I was bombarded with nasty blog comments, long-winded spiteful emails and even text messages that rambled on and on about how she was right and I was wrong. She sent words that could never be taken back. She tore and clawed and took huge shits on everything about her that I had dearly loved.
Then she decided to attack my therapist.
I can not remember the exact wording but it was something like this, “Oh by the way your therapist isn’t helping you at all. I bet she’s enjoying the extra income though.” When I read it to myself in my head I could hear my friend’s smug voice and the underlying chuckle. I knew making that comment to me probably made her panties damp. I shook my head in resignation because this was crossing the line in a major way. You can attack a lot of things, but to belittle someone that’s working on themselves through therapy is quite a low blow. This person was not my friend anymore and reading this made me wonder if she was ever my friend. I kind of doubted it.
But never one to dwell with despair, I took this fight straight to the one person I knew could help me make sense of what was happening…my therapist!
Do you see how that worked out? Because of therapy I knew who the real bad guy was in this situation and it wasn’t my therapist. Seeking outside unbiased help with issues that might be holding you back from being the awesome human being you were born to be is not a shameful activity. Therapy does not hold the stigma it once did and quite frankly you can’t knock it if you’ve never tried it.
The truth is I think people that try to shame you for seeking therapy are fearful they won’t be able to control and abuse you if a professional therapist is telling you that you’re actually free to tell them No. But some folks are just afraid of opening that Pandora’s Box we all keep a firm lock on. Not me! These professionals went to school and spent years studying human behavior and how to survive this toxic world and be mentally stable and healthy. Why not see how they can make your life better?!
I encourage you to weigh the pros and cons of seeking a professional therapist because I think you’ll realize that being able to sit across from someone who has no preconceived notions of who you are or have been and has no skin in the game when it comes to your decisions about yourself, is quite liberating. You are more likely to truly delve into the unknown and talk about issues you’ve been terrified of allowing to see the light of day. Compare that to the innocent ramblings you make to someone you think is your forever friend and will always love you and never use what you’re confiding in them to hurt you, only to have it thrown in your face with unmitigated hatred one day just so they can hurt you because they think you’re hurting them. A professional therapist is never going to do that to you.
It is totally true what they say…if you don’t heal the hurt you’ll end up bleeding on people that didn’t cut you.
I remember walking into my therapist’s office that day and telling her that I had something to share with her. I opened my phone and scrolled down to that declaration and read it aloud to her. I finished reading my old friend’s comment about my therapist and looked up. Her face held a shocked expression.
Since she and I had been working on my personal issues for the last few years she had a firm grip on the person I am and I had total faith and confidence in her guidance. So what happened next was not a surprise to either of us. Simultaneously both of us burst into laughter! “Let me see that!” she said and reached for my phone. She read it to herself again and asked if I planned to work things out with this person and I told her no. That didn’t surprise her either.
My therapist pushed me out of the nest last year and I miss her sometimes. She told me that our last few sessions showed how much more relaxed I had become and how easily I was jumping hurdles and using the tools she had taught me to navigate situations that made me uncomfortable. I can call her anytime I need to talk but weekly sessions seemed unnecessary for now. I left her office that day a little scared but mostly proud of myself for making those changes in my life that will keep me looking ahead into my bright and happy future.
…and that’s how fantastic my therapist was.
This is Madeline Laughs and I’ve written about seeking professional therapy before. If you are having issues and need someone to help you sort through them in a safe and helpful space please seek counselling. If you can not afford counselling there are several free therapists right in your own hometown. Seek them out and start talking. You will be so glad you did.