Deflection behavior of the narcissist and How You Can Protect Yourself


Deflection behavior is when the narcissist blames the victim for their bad behavior and feels justified in bullying them. A malignant narcissist will even go as far as using the victim’s own self defense against them.

For example, posting a maliciously mean song about the victim and even using the victim’s name in the title. The description of the mean song identifies the victim’s relationship to the bully and then this song is posted publicly on every social network available to the bully. The bully tries to use humor to make people think the victim is someone they should also ridicule and humiliate.

This backfires when the victim faces off with the bully and comments directly on a post, asking the bully to reconsider their behavior because their behavior is unhealthy, in fact, this behavior has a name and it is called cyberbullying. But rather than taking a look at their bad behavior, the bully decides to hide the evidence and then deflects.

The bully now claims the victim is a bully.

Therefore the bully is justified in continuing to cyber bully the victim.

They project their own bad behavior onto the victim.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Are you wondering about privacy and social media?

There can be no expectation that you will achieve privacy on Facebook. There will always be some new development that exposes parts of your recorded life there. That’s just the way online presences work. Facebook will always be updating, rearranging and changing this massive beast they have created and a symptom of that will be items and people that fall through the cracks they thought were protecting them.

I read a USA Today article a long time ago about the actress that portrayed Bella in the Twilight series. She talked in detail about the state of exposure back then and it holds even truer today;

“Everyone is complicit in their own surveillance, especially young people, who chronicle their lives obsessively, maybe seeking validation, which is still no easier to find.” 

I love the phrase “complicit in their own surveillance”!

Are you complicit in your own surveillance?   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Facebook Advice, Memories good and bad | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

When you know an online Rageaholic


This seems to be a trend that is progressing; online rageaholics that think the computer screen is their mask of protection and anonymity. Except the computer screen is not magical. Your chances of being discovered today are more likely than ever before and if you’re stupid enough to use your real name, then you deserve whatever prison term you get.

I have been the victim of some nasty online rageaholics.

What is a rageaholic?

“rageaholic. noun. a person who gets excited by expressing rage; a person prone to extreme anger with little or no provocation.”

Someone who feeds on expressing rage. Like the alcoholic, the rageaholic is addicted to blowing up. This is usually caused by the rageaholic stuffing back real feelings and emotions until it builds up the point that the rageaholic snaps and goes crazy. Stress of any kind can be a trigger. It is a cry for love, but a fear to accept it.”

~Urban Dictionary (with spelling corrections, just because)   Continue reading

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this is Why people Gossip

Recently I have gone overboard writing articles about people that gossip. In fact, I have one waiting in the wings that I’m editing. Ha! My reasons for obsessing about this is that I seem to be a lightening rod for people that like to gossip.

My husband told me that if I weren’t so alluring and mysterious and my life not so glamorous and epic and my husband not so debonair and handsome, that these lonely, jealous people wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they didn’t have me to talk about.

I’m inclined to agree…and giggle hysterically because it’s all true! 🙂 I wish they would all find something more constructive to do with their lives, but until that day comes, I guess I’ll be pleased to give them something fabulous to talk about.

Carry on you bunch of crazy twats!! ❤


Posted in All kinds of Advice | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Learning independance through volunteering

Continuing along the same vein of dating yourself, here is another way I have had great success with when it comes to being okay out there on my own in the world.

When my husband and I moved to Austin, TX we really did not know many people to go and do social things with. My husband was also traveling abroad for large lengths of time with his new job and that left me home alone to unpack our new home and find my way around town. It was a lonely time for me.

The one thing all of us carry in our arsenals is the ability to volunteer. Volunteering is one of the best ways to get you out of the house that I can imagine and there are always businesses and events on the prowl for fresh faces.

That’s what I decided to do in Austin, TX; I volunteered. I not only volunteered myself, I volunteered my husband too. I figured the best way to immerse ourselves in the Austin cultural scene was to share our free time with events that eventually ended up making Austin famous; SXSW and Austin City Limits.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

stop and take a breath

I was writing a new post about the usual and making comments from the unhappy memories I had, when I came to a complete stop. Sometimes when we continue to treat a hurt by simply counting on the perception of a situation we have carried for years, those memories can become a murmuration. We end up nursing damage that happened a long time ago, before we discovered healthy ways to process what the world dishes out to us. A droning epitaph we recite to ourselves because we need to feel right and if we say it enough times, it becomes real. Thoughts become things and before long it’s bigger than we needed it to be.

I stopped writing and instead I went backwards, and I’m glad I took that time for myself.

She was a friend, a good friend, and we would write these long and detailed messages to each other on Facebook. She was super busy at work and with her two horses, and I traveled all over the USA for weeks at a time for my job, so we weren’t always available to each other for in person visits or phone chats.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Memories good and bad | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Of course I’m the problem!

In an effort to belittle me someone said to me one day, “Your in-laws hate you and you speak to only a handful of your own family members. Haven’t you considered that you’re the common denominator here and that the problem is yours and not theirs?”

My response was swift and to the point.

Of course I’m the problem! Once I saw the pattern of mental abuse and torture that had been the dysfunction in both families for decades, I rebelled. That was, and always will be, a huge problem for them because I am not someone they can control and manipulate anymore. I refuse to allow anyone to abuse me in such a manner just so I can sort of feel like I might belong to their twisted idea of a family. I am intelligent and have a lot of love in my own heart and the love I also have for myself means I know I can choose my own family, so that is what I have done.

I have family that started out as friends.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments