Eeny, meanie, miney…you’re a sociopath!

For months I operated on the fear of getting sucked back in by liars and even worse…sociopaths. It got so bad that the least little deviation someone took from acting like, what I considered, normal, I would immediately label them Sociopath.

It didn’t take long before I was surrounded by Sociopaths!



Hmmmm…Wait a minute.

That’s when I had to step back a bit from the judgey-table and turn the observant eye on myself.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

is there a difference between No Contact and a Narcissistic Silent Treatment?

No Contact is very good advice given to victims of a malignant narcissist or a sociopath. It simply means no contact, of any kind, with the person that has been abusing you. It is a way to eliminate the abuser’s access to you.

Someone asked me a while back what the difference was between No Contact and a Narcissistic Silent Treatment. They didn’t think there was one and were sure that they equaled the same behavior. The blank stare I gave them was probably perplexing, but while sorting through that question in my own brain, I just could not fathom how they reached that conclusion.

Yes, there is a huge difference!   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Stop Trying

normal reaction

When you become the target of a Narcissistic Smear Campaign, it can be confusing on many levels. There are so many questions you have and the narcissist is counting on you not being able to get any answers. They enjoy your constant state of hypervigilance and they want you to feel like the world is against you.

They spend every waking moment when they are in the throes of a campaign, just like a politician. They’re out there seeking votes and they’ll get those votes at any price. Integrity, Loyalty and Pride are no longer on the table.

“You wanna be my friend on Facebook?! Well, here’s what it will cost you!”   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

“how to win against a narcissistic smear campaign”


One of the Search Terms for my blog was this:

“how to win against a narcissistic smear campaign”

Sometimes I wish I could privately respond to these people searching for answers, but alas, I cannot. So I will write this post and add those tags so that anyone wanting to know how to win against a Narcissistic Smear Campaign can get the answers they seek.

The answer to that question is that you can NOT win that fight. In fact, there are NO winners there. Not the Narcissist waging war, not the people/flying monkeys that participate and certainly not the person being victimized and bullied.

Everyone loses.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Deflection behavior of the narcissist and How You Can Protect Yourself


Deflection behavior is when the narcissist blames the victim for their own bad behavior and feels justified in bullying them. A malignant narcissist will even go as far as using the victim’s own self defense against them.

Sounds insane, doesn’t it?

They will stalk their victim and watch every exposed move the victim makes. If the victim uses social media in an attempt to fight back against the Smear Campaign being executed by the Narcissist, the Narcissist will take whatever the victim is sharing and flip it, so it appears the victim is attacking the Narc on social media. It’s diabolical and has been very effective in shutting down and silencing many victims in the past. Therefore the Narc gets to continue their reign of terror while the victim has to sit there and watch the nightmare unfold again and again and again.

Essentially, the Narc projects their bad behavior onto the victim by playing the Blame Game.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Guys that Fart for laughs

One afternoon I was having a serious conversation about work with a male colleague on the telephone when he started cackling loudly. I stopped speaking and asked “What’s so funny?” He replied “I just farted and you didn’t hear it!” and he laughed some more. I don’t think I spoke for a few beats. I was in mild shock. I had not been exposed to this kind of humor since grade school and here was a man in his 40’s, farting for humor.  Continue reading

Posted in Just thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

CrAzY mAkInG pEoPlE

that'll be 5 cents please!

that’ll be 5 cents please!

If you were ever caught up in the middle of someone in the process of executing crazy making behavior on you, it’s one of the most befuddling situations you will ever be subjected to.

Crazy making behavior is just what it sounds like. It’s someone trying to make you crazy, or keep you unbalanced and confused, so they can manipulate you. It’s not fun or funny, in fact, it’s diabolical and incredibly damaging. If you’re still unsure what this kind of behavior looks like, I’ll share some examples.

My mother in law used to tell me to my face how much she loved me, but behind my back she told everyone else how much she hated me. When I would ask her about it she would deny that she ever told people that, but I knew she was.

Her motivation is rooted in the fact that she can’t control me and it makes her angry. She can’t just love me for who I am, she needs to control me. She wants to know where I am and what I’m doing at all times and she doesn’t want me to be friends with or spend time around anyone but her. I don’t cooperate, so she tries to isolate me by assuming that her gossip will turn others against me. I guess it makes her feel like she’s in control of something to use gossip as a way to isolate me.

I can’t control what she does. I can only control how I react to it and that’s the first step to walking away from crazy making behavior. You have to realize that the only way they can make you crazy is if you allow it. It’s true what they say; what you allow will continue.

That being said, I also don’t have time for folks that play into the drama by maliciously repeating the gossip. I am totally transparent and happy to answer any questions. But if you just want to spread the word to everyone else, then you might be a Crazy Maker too.

The second thing you need to come to terms with is if someone is doing this to you, this is abuse.

You are being abused.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Is that a reliable source?


I don’t take anyone’s Word for it anymore.

And why should I?

Why should you?

In an uneven, out of balance world filled to the brim with liars and false prophets, people out to make a buck while climbing the social ladder or the career mountain, why would anyone trust what someone says to them anymore? Some folks are simply intrigued by whether or not they can make you believe them!

So what keeps all of us from becoming cynical, jaded and isolated?   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

when you see the Narcissist’s Mask slip *gasp!*


The first time I saw the narcissist’s mask slip I second guessed myself that it was probably an optical illusion. I ended up cheating myself out of that AHA-Moment of knowing that I have finally mastered the art of seeing a narc’s mask slip right when it’s happening.

When it happens and that mask slips, you can see the dark hole just beyond the surface of someone that has totally forgotten the story they spun just for you, by letting you hear the exact same story they had spun for someone else, as if you never existed. Then everything they ever said to you that had any impact at all comes into that questioning light. Was any of it real? Did you mean anything of substance that you’ve ever said to me?   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Keeping Score and losing the game

Image by Madeline Laughs

Do you have a friend that keeps score? Or are you someone that keeps score? Keeping score goes something like this…

“Well, I paid our way to the movies last time, so she owes me lunch.”

“He didn’t buy me a gift last year, so I’m not getting him one this year!!”

“The government is making the cost of gas high, so I’m going to cheat on my taxes this year.”

This is called keeping score and most of the time people do it because they are clueless that it’s happening.  Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments