when you see the Narcissist’s Mask slip *gasp!*

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The first time I saw the narcissist’s mask slip I second guessed myself that it was probably an optical illusion. I ended up cheating myself out of that AHA-Moment of knowing that I have finally mastered the art of seeing a narc’s mask slip right when it’s happening.

When it happens and that mask slips, you can see the dark hole just beyond the surface of someone that has totally forgotten the story they spun just for you, by letting you hear the exact same story they had spun for someone else, as if you never existed. Then everything they ever said to you that had any impact at all comes into that questioning light. Was any of it real? Did you mean anything of substance that you’ve ever said to me?   Continue reading

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Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Keeping Score and losing the game

Image by Madeline Laughs

Do you have a friend that keeps score? Or are you someone that keeps score? Keeping score goes something like this…

“Well, I paid our way to the movies last time, so she owes me lunch.”

“He didn’t buy me a gift last year, so I’m not getting him one this year!!”

“The government is making the cost of gas high, so I’m going to cheat on my taxes this year.”

This is called keeping score and most of the time people do it because they are clueless that it’s happening.  Continue reading

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to Redneck, or not too Redneck

I have a friend in California that thinks that because I live in North Carolina, I’m a chain smoking, fried food eating, racist rebel flag flying Redneck. She starts sentences with “People in the South…” and there’s usually some belittling description tacked on at the end.

She thinks we’re all pretty darn ignorant.   Continue reading

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Talking and Driving is bad

Say this to yourself everyday

I sat at the stop light the other day and counted the number of people talking on their cell phones. Almost everyone I could see, except one gentleman, had their arms glued to their ears yakking away. Then I noticed he was in the car alone but carrying on with a serious look on his face…he was wearing an earpiece. Out of all of these drivers I felt safest sitting next to him. At least he had both hands on the steering wheel.  Continue reading

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Telling Your Side versus a Narcissistic Smear Campaign

There is a big difference between telling your side of the story and a Narcissistic Smear Campaign.

Telling your side of the story simply states facts. There is no need to share jabs or insults and it looks like this:

 

“I stopped talking to her because I was tired of the constant bullying and manipulation. A year later she posts this mean song all over the Internet, uses my name and identifies me. The song is her attempt to humiliate and ridicule me. It is classic cyberbullying and it’s against the law. I have asked her over and over to leave me alone. I’m not interested in fighting or continuing to engage her on any level, but she continues to watch me online and post attacks.”

 

A Narcissistic Smear Campaign looks like this:

 

“I stood up to this relative and there was a war of personal destruction waged on me as a result. However the goat metaphor was so funny that I could not help but write a song about it. I mean who calls somebody a goat? It made me laugh and laugh.”   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 48 Comments

Living within Your Credit Limit

The title almost sounds like it’s advisable to live within your credit limit, but it’s not. In fact, living within your credit limit is one of the worst ways you can live. Eventually, it catches up with you and can leave you financially devastated and homeless.

My first brush with credit limits was soon after college. I was so blue and depressed one day and one of my friends asked me “You know what you need?” I told her I didn’t know, perhaps I needed to get away, get a new life, maybe some therapy. She laughed and said “No! You need a JC Penney credit card!” Of all the things I thought she would reveal, this was not even on the list, but she persisted. “You can treat yourself to something nice! You can buy anything at JC Penney! Even shampoo!” I don’t know why this sounded so great to me at the time, but it did.  Continue reading

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social Vampires

Ah yes, the Social Vampire is a special breed that only comes out in your darkest moment to drain the blood from your soul and turn you into a paranoid creature afraid of the sunlight, with no reflection of your own.

There’s this friend that you confide in. You tell her everything because you trust her and because she’s always willing to listen. She always agrees with you and if you hate it, she hates it. Your conversations never end with you feeling better, you’re always still just as angry and instead of your problem getting better, it seizes in deeper, like a tick. Even a small issue can be ballooned to extravagance during one of her phone calls. Whatever is happening seems to feed on whatever could happen.   Continue reading

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